Kansai

Location: b1/7-13 Hunter St, Sydney NSW 2000

Taste-type: Japanese Buffet (not BBQ)

Price: Dinner Buffet $28; A la carte Sushi around $4-5, Mains around $12-15

How to get there: Walk along Hunter St and look for the little alcove going down into Hunter Connection (there are signs outside at night).

Contact: 02-92315544

“Is it just me, or is this place somewhat suspicious?” asks Squishies the Pacifist as we descend, step by greasy step, into the dimly-flickering underbelly that is the Hunter Connection shopping arcade.

“Maybe it’s a trap,” says the Wingman a little too cheerfully, as though he knows something we don’t.

“…” I say, because I am fighting off a horde of assassins at our back while simultaneously defusing a dynamite-laden bear trap just in front of the Pacifist’s right foot and trying to pick the Wingman’s pockets. All I get in reward are a bemused look and the Wingman’s dry-cleaning receipts. Things can only get better.

And they do. Kansai’s staff greet us promptly and with good cheer, escorting us to our table as a lackey bars the doors on the marauding hordes of Ninja-haters. We waste no time in sending through our first order, and we are pleased to find ourselves promptly served with the first onslaught of hand rolls, nigiri, and other sides. The quality of Kansai’s multifarious menu does not, I must state forthrightly, compare to premium establishments like those of the Masuya and Yakiniku holdings (including Makoto and Suminoya respectively); but it is more than acceptable given the low price and lack of temporal impositions. The Gyoza, for example, appear limper than Greece’s finances but pop and crunch with slurp-worthy juices when bitten into.

There are, of course, stand-out dishes which can rival any in Sydney. The Yakitori, for example, gleam plumply and fall apart tenderly in the mouth,

while Kansai’s Tonkatsu is a well-rendered oval of crispiness and the slightly chewy, tangy pork reminiscent of a thousand eating-houses in the basements of Tokyo.

Ninjas are generally not fans of colour. Every shinobi has experienced the shame of trying to flit unobtrusively past a pink billboard or fluoro-green wall, having his or her shadow illuminated to the extent that even a blind Masterchef judge would notice, and subsequently being forced to slaughter the population of the entire neighbourhood, town or major capital city. However, I am forced in this instance to concur with the Pacifist’s squeals of delight at the technicoloured nori which the Wingman has summoned, including the refreshing Rainbow Roll and generously eel-laden Dragon Roll. I can say in black-and-white terms that these fusion rolls are crisp, flavoursome, and munificent in their proportions.

Our particular favourites, however, are the bubbly-crispy baked salmon and crabmeat of the Volcano Roll (which is only slightly marred by a lack of hallucination-inducing wasabi) and the quirky saltiness of the Salmon Skin Roll (a salty-tangy innovation of salmon skin and cream cheese). As dish after dish emerges, we unwind and wax lyrical about our travels, our exploits, our dreams. We talk of icy mountain slopes and quiet Tokyo alleys; I let my katana loose at my side, happy to spend a quiet night in good company. I even fret over the amplitude of buffets in the coming days, not realising that things can, and will, get a whole lot worse.

The horde of Ninja-haters, as though sensing my complaceny, chooses that moment to burst through. We pay and run, but we are not so hurried as to eschew a little pick-me-up along the way.

Verdict: Homely, tasty, and filling, as a buffet should be.

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