Melbourne Madness: Camy Shanghai Dumpling and Noodle

Location: Tattersalls Lane, Melbourne VIC 3000

Taste-type: Chinese

Price: Steamed Pork Dumplings $5.80 (15 pieces), Steamed Sweet Pumpkin Dumpling $3 (6 pieces)

How to get there: Head into Chinatown and go along Little Bourke St. Tattersalls Lane will be on your left if you’re coming in from the West side, just past the Chinatown arches.

Following a tip-off from a trusted agent, my team and I descend upon Chinatown in search of the best dumplings known to man. We flicker in and out of the crowds, the yammering voices around us slowly shifting from plump Anglo-Saxon syllables to the chop and stab of Mandarin interspersed with languid spurts of Cantonese. The air is thick with heat and pedestrian ire, trams clogging up the arterial lanes of the city as flies attempt to keep up with us, following for seconds before out pace turns them to ash in mid-flight. Satisfaction is only a block away.

Were it not for the crowds milling outside awaiting their take-out orders, the door to Camy Shanghai Dumpling and Noodle restaurant would be somewhat inconspicious. Even with the lurid orange sign that hangs above the doorway, Tattersall’s Lane is like any other of the grimy alveoli that punctuate the city-centre, and the premises which we encounter are hardly encouraging. Like cynical ghosts worn out from haunting too many people, the yellow-stained walls cramp in around us, enseamed with memories of the mainland and a million such back-alley stores left behind across the seas. We pick our way upstairs and settle ourselves in a slightly dank wooden bench-booth, taking our orders off sticky plastic menus. The wait is almost over.

Such sordid surrounds might well cause a rookie ninja to doubt their decision, but the worthiness of my source and the dedication of the crowds causes my eyes to sparkle with anticipation. And sure enough, the dumplings are divine. Better yet, they are divinely cheap. Tangy calculates that each of the Steamed Pork Dumplings has cost us a mere thirty-three cents. We immediately order another plate and casually shovel the sweetly aromatic dumplings down our throats, marvelling at our good fortune as the pork juices zing and fizz against the insides of our mouths. While the Steamed Sweet Pumpkin Dumplings which I sample are a little bland, the Pork Dumplings have a filling zest to them which makes each ninja sing inside.

But at an institution like this time is of the essence, for time equals money and money equals happiness and pretty wo/men, so we concede to the insinuating stares of the dandy-vested waiter and the throbbing lights of the toilet sign. We pay up, say our thanks, and disappear into the summery haze with a air-splitting roar echoing in our wake. For a sated ninja, breaking the sound barrier is no small matter. Rather, it becomes infinitesimally facile.

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