Location: 73 Miller St, North Sydney NSW 2060
Taste-Type: Japanese BBQ
Price: Buffet $60pp (Mon-Thurs only)
How to get there: Train to North Sydney station, then walk up Blue St (up the hill) to the corner of Blue and Miller St. You’ll see signs along the walls of the building. Look for the samurai.
Contact: 02-99296169
In the middle of the city’s concrete bloom stands a suit of armour, its owner swept away by the sandy winds of battle some hundreds of years ago. At first glance it appears empty, but the observant civilian might swear to have seen something moving behind the helmet’s demonic rictus, a slithering shimmering trompe de l’oeil to trouble even a hedonistic unbeliever’s heart. We ninjas know that spirits exist, even if the world scoffs at us. But what dwells in this suit of armour is not a spirit. A bird coos and two shurikens arc out of a well-pruned office hedge, slotting perfectly through the helmet’s slit and slicing through the hiddden gun turret within. The attack has begun.
I lead a motley band of ronin deep into Rengaya’s labyrinthine shadows, running low and fast along the roof and walls. My squad’s numbers have been sorely depleted by a lack of warlord funding, but our beloved Leader has deigned to lend his presence to the raid. He notes that, apart from the turret at the front of the restaurant, we have not encountered a single adversary. It is true. The place is quiet, too much so.
The first wave of Ox Tongue hits us without warning, but we fall into formation seamlessly and defend ourselves with ease. Each paper-tender sliver of meat is deliciously smoky, but the overzealous use of our flamethrower by some of the ronin cause unnecessary charring to our enemies.
The Scallops resemble sluggish aliens with weight-loss issues but have a juicy-sweet composition that is only slightly marred by the searing effect of the charcoal. Their obesity is a cause of concern to me, but our Leader brushes off my concerns with the Ninja Battle-Hymn in C Minor. I have no choice but to sing along in canon as we continue our feast.
Unlike the buffet at Suminoya, Rengaya’s buffet includes its signature F1 Black Wagyu cuts of meat, a delicacy best enjoyed with close friends and even closer enemies. But as we fight through the lusciously moist Wagyu Flap Meat (pictured), chunkily filling Wagyu Short Rib and smoothly sensuous Wagyu Oyster Blade, I sense the ronin’s strength flagging. Our graphic-designer ronin suddenly drops without a sound and falls into a bottomless crevasse still struggling mutely with two chunks of Short Rib and a toothpick.
We call in Prawn Cocktail Salad to reinforce our guts with some leafy roughage, but although the prawns are refreshing and the avocado spheres are cutely scooped, the meaty onslaught is proving too much for our meagre force. Every ronin is wounded and even our Leader is struggling to fight back the penetrating meatiness of the buffet. With difficulty I drop to the sleek wooden tiles and invoke Summoning Technique #26 (Vomit Negation), buying us some much-needed time and stomach space.
What ultimately undoes us is the Yukke, a glistening hemisphere of beef carpaccio and egg-yolk that could constitute a dinner in itself. My Leader is unconscious on a pile of ox-tongue and all other ronin have fallen in various positions of agony and smoke-inhalation. Fighting is no longer an option. In true ninja-style, I prepare to abandon the other ronin to save my Leader and myself, but the Yukke’s bloodied sweetness and sliding eggy goo overpower me and leave me gasping for breath.
Rengaya’s mystical overlords are strangely merciful and do not slay me with a surcharge, leaving me instead to stagger out and collapse on the threshold back to the outside world. My vision swims and I imagine I can see the spirit of the samurai sitting lotus-style upon his armour, staring balefully down into the coiling depths of my soul. Smoke swirls around my prone body and I feel myself slipping into drugged slumber. As I go down, I feel my Leader picking five-dollar notes out of my pockets.
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Valiant struggle against the goodness- no, oppression of meat.
Was the clock something you were fighting against as well, as you would with a battle at Suminoya?
Have always wanted to try this place’s buffet; looks so good! Thanks!
Didn’t realise rengaya offer buffet! Thanks for the tips. Must visit soon! Did you have a wagyu overdose?
@Simon: Indeed it was, and I hate fighting time. It plays dirty and goes attrition.
@joey: No problem. Enjoy!
@Ellie: Yes, you’re welcome, you really should (with lots of allies), and definitely so.
They don’t offer their best meat for the buffet tho but we should hit up bbq buffet soemtime
Show you hows its done bro.
Onaka no kage bunshin no jutsu ^^!
Mm – I remember the beef tartare well. The beef so tender and the eggy goodness so rich and gooey!
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